5. J. Crew
The best part of being short is that you can shop in the kids section of J. Crew, where the prices are lower but you can still be the head WASP of your respective hive. Zara also has a venerable kids section, if you prefer the mod cut. The quality is nowhere near J. Crew, but many of the collars are dribble proof.
4. Blankets
All blankets are specially made for short people. That’s why their feet never stick out and they are the preferred travel wardrobe of hobbits. Think of all the money you save by not having to buy buy wool socks and the tension you save on your knees from not having to bend them. Sometimes I really pity tall people.
3. Confession
If you are Catholic, you can go to a confessional booth (never do it face to face), and since the priest will only see the top of your head, he will assume you’re just a kid. That way, you can confess a litany of gruesome, highly indecent things, and simply get away with a couple Hail Marys — a Rosary decade at the most.
2. Tailors
Your tailor becomes a surrogate parent. I can tell I really care about a piece of clothing when I take it to my tailor to have it altered. I’d do it myself, but I’ve ruined countless garments with failed attempts at DIY. Save yourself a trip to the spa and pamper yourself by getting your pants hemmed and pressed.
1. The Claw
At the grocery store, I’ve seen short people and little old ladies own their shortness by using a long-armed reaching tool/claw to fetch things on high shelves. Not only is this convenient, but it gives you a vaguely futuristic look. It also enables you to pinch people and run away before they find out who did it.
