5. Calpurnia // Julius Caesar
Congratulations to her for not joining the great pantheon of Shakespearean wives who commit suicide out of grief/the crazies. She was surprisingly well-adjusted for someone who took advice from toothless soothsayers.
4. Prince Fortinbras // Hamlet
I don’t like it when characters come out of nowhere at the end of a story, but I liked Fortinbras because he was minding his business in Norway and all of a sudden had to take over a castle filled with corpses. The end.
3. Count Paris // Romeo and Juliet
I really only like him because of that scene in the movie (1996) where Paul Rudd is wearing an astronaut costume and he’s smiling in slow motion as glitter and lights rain down upon him.
2. Malvolio // Twelfth Night
Being the butt of every joke is tough. As someone who also adheres to a strict no-fun policy, I can see why this makes him an easy target. Still, he is the dry, put-upon Louis C.K. to Feste’s loud, bawdy Pauly Shore.
1.Earl of Gloucester // King Lear
Wallace Stevens wrote that “death is the mother of beauty.” Thus, having your eyes gouged out by the Duke of Cornwall not only makes you a beautiful character, but hands down, earns you the best Shakespearean death.
