January 2012
20 posts
Three Places I Went To Where There Was an...
3. My Office
I work in a shared workspace with lots of other companies, and the building’s owners pride themselves on being young and fresh. Hench, the DJ in the lobby one morning. This is a kind of building that plays house music in the bathroom, (making the flush of a toilet oddly melodic) so this was the king of shenanigans they’re always up to. The DJ was there to serenade the...
Three Introvert Relationship Combinations and What...
3. Introvert + Extrovert
Some say opposites attract, while others say stick to your own kind. I think an introvert and an extrovert can make a pretty good combination, as there will always be someone to hold up the conversation and push the introvert to try things, like brussel sprouts and $5 foot-long subs. A problem that’s likely to come up is that the introvert gets sucked into doing...
Five Fun Things To Do on W. 18th Street Between...
5. A.I. Friedman // 44 W. 18th Street
This is the second best stationary store (out of three) on the street. I don’t know why this street has so many paper stores, but I’m not complaining. I think this store is for more serious artists, as I often get stink eyes from the security guards for loitering.
4. Cupcake Cafe // 18 W. 18th Street
I’m over cupcakes too, but...
Three of My Favorite Subway Buskers
3. Alanis Morisette
This woman is usually situated between the E/M and G transfer at Court Square in the afternoon and evening. Every time I’ve passed her, she’s singing a Jagged Little Pill-era (as if any other era mattered) Alanis song. It’s just her, her guitar, and an amp, but it’s just the thing I want to hear when coming home from work. Her favorite song is...
Six Cubicle Instances In Which It Is Fitting To...
6. Having your Tweet re-tweeted by Margaret Atwood.
5. Finding out that Seamless Web has expanded your food delivery zone.
4. Successfully printing out a series of packets that is correctly collated and stapled.
3. Coming back from a lap around the bathroom, kitchen, and supply room.
2. Finally getting out the staple that has been wedged in your keyboard.
1. Rolling back in your chair at the...
Three Times I Was Stuffed Into a Closet in...
3. 2003
The first time I came to New York was on a family vacation. My mother arrived with a list of people she needed to buy designer knock-off bags for. She took me and my sister to Chinatown, where the fake bag market was much more prevalent then than it is now. Lots of short Asian women chanting “ChanelVuittonPrada” tried to court my mother, but she ended going with a woman who...
Three Books I Recently Devoured at an Alarming...
3. A Home at the End of the World by Michael Cunnigham
The first couple chapters of this book are jaw-droppingly good. I read a short story in one of my classes that I didn’t know was from this book. It involved two young brothers taking acid and one brother dying in a freak accident. It sounds kind of lame, but it was a good short story. Within the context of the novel though that story...
Four Meetup.com Groups I Want To Start
4. Stationary Store Loiterers
This group is for people who enjoy spending time in expensive stationary stores and not buying anything. Occasionally we’ll sniff the paper, too. I’m sure with all the time we spend aimlessly loitering, we may be mistaken for a very nervous flash mob, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take.
3. Work-From-Home Social Coterie
When you work...
Three Times I've Taken The Online Jeopardy! Test
3. High School
If you want to be on Jeopardy, the best time to try out is in high school. The questions are ridiculously easy, and I remember an episode that featured a category on Top 40 Radio and no one knew who Mariah Carey was. Also, if you’re in AP History, you already know 70% of the questions right off the bat. When I took the high school test my senior year, I was cocky. I thought...
Ten Greenpoint Coffee Shops in Five Syllables Each
10. Cafe Grumpy // 193 Meserole Avenue
Don’t drink coffee. Glares.
9. Milk and Roses // 1110 Manhattan Avenue
Future wedding site.
8. Champion Coffee // 1108 Manhattan Avenue
Too small to stretch legs.
7. Ashbox // 1154 Manhattan Avenue
Best mean Asian lady.
6. Troost // 1011 Manhattan Avenue
No wi-fi past five.
5. Starbucks // 910 Manhattan Avenue
Free wi-fi. Don’t judge.
...
Three Writers I Would Like To Be Friends With
3. Colette
An ideal relationship for me is one where I do all the listening and someone else does all the talking. This is usually made easier if the other person is interesting, as I usually have nothing of great importance to say. I think Colette would be someone who wouldn’t mind holding up the conversation, while I just sat on her chaise lounge and stuffed my face with petit fours. My...
Five Places I've Seen The Pains of Being Pure at...
5. Glasslands // 289 Kent Avenue
This was the first concert I went to after moving to Brooklyn. I had won tickets through a blog contest, but I was only 19 and it was a 21+ show. I didn’t have a fake ID because I look like I’m twelve years old. I emailed a friend who knew Kip Berman, and he told me and my friend to come early so he could let us in. We showed up four hours early,...
Four Ways A Scrabble Tournament is Like Mean Girls
4. Cliques
You have the grandmas, the newbies, the English majors, the math majors, the sociopaths, the asthmatics, the Birkenstocks, the intermediates, and finally, the experts. They sit in their own corner and refuse to play unless you have ProTiles. Sometimes they press down so hard on their timers that the spring breaks. Obviously, the experts won’t even talk to you unless you have a...
Three of My Favorite Brooklyn Streets To Walk Down
3. Oxford between Dekalb and Lafayette
I liked to walk down this street between classes, especially when I had first moved to Brooklyn. The street is lined with regal-looking brownstones and shady trees, and it exemplified how I imagined the city to look like before I had ever visited. There are plenty of streets in Fort Greene that look just like this one, but for some reason, this was my...
Five Ways To Stay Warm For People Who Lost All...
5. Subway Sleeping Bag*
On a crowded subway bench, squeeze into a spot between two people wearing puffy jackets, while you yourself are wearing a puffy jacket. Pretend that you’re in a puffy cocoon.
4. Shower Sauna
Before you take a shower, leave the water running while you brush your teeth and take out your contacts. Let the steam fill the room, and for three minutes, pretend...
Four Ways I Unwittingly Westernized My Asian...
4. Mediocre Math Skills
Chua stresses how important it is for Asian kids to be the best at school, and my parents felt the same way. I got straight A’s, took piano and ballet lessons, and didn’t complain about not owning Jncos. But then I plateaued in junior high, as that was the highest point my math and science skills would ever reach. My parents gave Chua a run for her money when...
Three Things You Come Across When Reading...
3. Prisoner Novels
A lot of prisoners use their time wisely and write a book while they’re in jail. Whether that book is good or not is questionable, but a lot of them end up in slush piles, waiting to be read by an editorial intern. Many prisoner novels are either hand-written or typewritten. Many of them are very unsubtle religious manifestos. Many are very unsubtle erotica. Many of them...
Three Of The First Books I Read On My Nook
3. The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
I’ve decided that I’ll only read free e-books at first on my Nook, thus allowing me to continue to buy real books guilt-free. Most of the free books are either erotica or classics, so I can finally get around to reading the books I avoided in high school. This book left me extremely frustrated. I should’ve remembered that in every book...
Four Wardrobe-Related Ailments and How to Avoid...
4. Greasy Bang Syndrome
Skipping just one shower may result in your bangs segregating at choppy intervals. Finger-combing will only make this worse, and greasier.
3. My Dogs are Barkin’
Never wear shoes with a pointy toe if you intend to stand or walk for more than an hour. This includes flats. If you hate those ads for bunion removal on the subway, you’ll listen.
2. Snap Button...
Five Movies Set in New York That I Watched While I...
5. Maid in Manhattan (2002)
I half-watched this movie while playing Scrabble, so I didn’t play close attention to the details. But I saw enough to see that they had a scene filmed on a train that actually looked like the subway. It may even have been the 6, which Jennifer Lopez named her debut album after. Personally, this is not my favorite J.Lo movie. That would be, of course, Selena.
4....
December 2011
22 posts
Three Internet Passwords I Once Used Almost...
3. SCLUB7
This was one of my first passwords, used mostly for my AOL email and Neopets accounts. If you don’t recall, S Club 7 starred in a very successful (by ABC Family standards) show aimed at the demographic that would eat up any generic pop group. I thought this password was both safe (all caps, including a number) and incredibly clever.
2. Sandrock50
Sandrock50 was the name of my...
Four Times My Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree Came in...
4. Unemployment
When I was unemployed, I had all kinds of things to do to fill my time. I read an obscene amount, I wrote, I edited an online magazine, and I even drew. If I had been getting paid for all those things, I would’ve been living the dream. I’m very happy to be employed now. But I wish I had more time to read.
3. Making Friends (sort of)
Once, on the subway platform, two...
Five Places Where You Can Pretend To Be a Senior...
5. Fred’s at Barneys // 660 Madison Avenue
I romanticize being a senior citizen the same way teenagers romanticize twenty-somethings. This was only encouraged by the fact that I have spent a lot of time on the Upper East Side, a neighborhood that’s pretty much Williamsburg for old people. You can’t see this more than at Fred’s, the restaurant at Barney’s. Senior...
Three Things You Should Never Buy at an Airport
3. Neck Pillows
Even if you’re on a fourteen-hour flight, is it really worth it? I’ve found that a more dignified alternative is to wear one of those “infinity” scarves, preferably of a thick material. They keep you just as comfortable, and you don’t have to carry a neck pillow around like a little bitch.
2. A Jennifer Weiner Book
I know the book selection can...
Seven Things I Did While My Internet Was Down
7. Called Belkin Customer Service
The man I was talking to asked me what the weather was like in New York and sounded quite hollow when describing the weather in India.
6. The New York Magazine Crossword
This was pretty easy, and I didn’t have to cheat once. Then again, it wasn’t the Times so I suppose I really have nothing to be proud of.
5. Folded My Tights Drawer
I’ve...
Three Ways Living With a Fashion Blogger Will Make...
3. Going to Fashion Events
I attended Fashion Night Out for the food, as I heard it would be free. It was mostly wine, bottled water, and Pop Chips, but I guess it was interesting in the same sense as a trip to the zoo. However, the novelty quickly wears thin. Did you know when fashion bloggers congregate they just stand around, taking pictures of things? This isn’t good for someone who...
Four Thai Restaurants on Manhattan Avenue and What...
4. Erb Thai // 681 Manhattan Avenue
If you bring your significant other here, chances are you are about to have a big argument. It’s ill-lit, greasy, and squarely between two subway stops: the type of place you go to after a long day. What better place to fight? I’ve argued here before, and I highly recommend it for tension-filled whisper fights. Wear something dark and brooding that...
Five Scrabble Boards and What They Say About You
5. Diamond Edition
You’re one of those people who owned moon shoes as a kid, aren’t you? This board is for the fair-weather player, who needs a flashy board to make up for lackluster plays. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I have this board, and I like that it spins easily and that the blanks have diamonds on them. But something about the gaudy colors and the —shudder—...
Three Books About Asian Women Dating White Guys...
3. How to Be an American Housewife by Margaret Dilloway
I picked up this book from an airport because I wanted something to distract me that wouldn’t give me a headache. I should note that I am well-read in the (I loathe to use this term) “chick lit” genre of coupling Asian women with non-Asian men and chronicling the neurosis it subsequently results in. In this book, it...
Five Bookstores and An Appraisal of Their $1 Carts
5. The Strand // 828 Broadway
Considering that they’re the most famous used bookstore in New York, you’d think that their carts would be picked over, but I’ve found some good stuff over the years. I should mention that I’m biased, and I base a lot of my loyalty on how much old Penguin/Pelican paperbacks I can find. Their 48 cents bins are pretty good, though they tend to...
Four Handy Tips To Enable Your Paranoia
4. Ponytails
Never wear your hair in a ponytail in public, no matter how practical it may be. It’s practically a signal to all kidnappers, rapists, and ne’er-do-wells that you are okay with them grabbing you by it and hauling you off into the woods. For maximum safety, wear your hair down, or better yet, just pull a Mia Farrow.
3. Two-Way Mirrors
To quote an email my mother...
Five Advantages of Being a Short Person
5. J. Crew
The best part of being short is that you can shop in the kids section of J. Crew, where the prices are lower but you can still be the head WASP of your respective hive. Zara also has a venerable kids section, if you prefer the mod cut. The quality is nowhere near J. Crew, but many of the collars are dribble proof.
4. Blankets
All blankets are specially made for short people....
Three Books I Read Very Quickly, Usually at 3 AM
3. Blue Nights by Joan Didion
I read most of this on a plane, and I finished it before my stopover in Atlanta. It was very sad, but not in the way I expected it to be. It didn’t make me sad by empathizing with a mother who lost a daughter. It made me sad about the prospect of losing a daughter, an uncle, a father, a dog, or a neglected ficus plant. In short, it makes you pretty...
Four Wong Kar-wai Movies and What Your Date Will...
1. Fallen Angels (1995)
This movie has the best Wong Kar-wai couple of all time: the mute guy and his father. Your date will undoubtedly find this endearing, and you will definitely be getting some. That is, unless she has a problematic parental past. In that case, she’ll be depressed and want to go home right after the movie.
2. In the Mood For Love (2000)
Are you sure you want to show...
Three Specialty Bookstores That I Spent a Short...
3. Revolution Books // 146 West 26th Street
On their complimentary bookmarks this bookstore talks about the “new winds of global resistance.” That’s pretty intense for a bookmark. I went here to pick up an expensive stack of books for a class on African literature about women. All the books were incredibly depressing and typically ended with the female protagonist being crushed...
Four Flute Solos in Belle & Sebastian Songs and...
4. Mary Jo
A flute extravaganza. Do not play this song when picking up your younger brother and his friends from a JV basketball tournament.
3. The Boy With the Arab Strap
“Everyone suffers in silence a burden.” It’s true. Have you ever tried to dance to a flute solo? No matter what, you end up river dancing.
2. Read the Blessed Pages
When I first heard this solo, I made...
Five Ways To Maintain Dignity When You Have To Use...
5. Be Industrious
Sit with your back to a mirror. That way, everyone can see what’s on your screen. Keep your desktop open to a Word document or spreadsheet, so people know you’re working the whole time. You can still Gchat and play Scrabble on your phone though.
4. Be Uninhibited
Drink coffee, even though you have never done so before because of your irrational fear of caffeine...
Four Things I Had High Hopes For But Turned Out to...
4. Apple Picking
I had plenty of elite things I wanted to do once I moved to the East Coast, like wear Fair Isle sweaters and recycle. At the top of my list was apple-picking. I imagined going to Maine or Connecticut, but due to time constraints, we went to New Jersey. We got there late, so there weren’t many apples. Plus we didn’t want a ton of apples, so plucked 8 or 9 ones that...
Three Places Where I Lost My Coatcheck Number
3. The Wooly // 11 Barclay Street
This is a classy joint. You can tell because there is a piano inside. If there is a piano, chances are, there is someone nearby that can play it. Only people with truly overbearing parents made them take piano lessons as a kid, so when they grew up, they probably became accountants or nurses to continue to please them. Then they go to civilized places like the...
Three Things You Should Never Do When Playing...
3. Subterfuge
There are lots of creative ways to cheat at Scrabble. The one that really gets my goat is braille, in which players try to predict what letter they’re getting by feeling the grooves on the tile while digging around in the bag. Aside from the fact that this is tile molestation, it’s just embarrassing. I’ve also seen people try to get away with easy-to-miss 2-letter...
Five of the Best Shakespearean Characters
5. Calpurnia // Julius Caesar
Congratulations to her for not joining the great pantheon of Shakespearean wives who commit suicide out of grief/the crazies. She was surprisingly well-adjusted for someone who took advice from toothless soothsayers.
4. Prince Fortinbras // Hamlet
I don’t like it when characters come out of nowhere at the end of a story, but I liked Fortinbras because he was...
Three of My Least Favorite Words in the Literary...
3. Zine
I don’t have a problem with zines or the people who make them (“zinesters,” I believe they are called). I just feel like the word “zine” is a slippery slope to calling graphic novels Gra-Nos and children’s books Chi-Bos. But then again, the word has been around for a while, so maybe I’m just being zine-o-phobic. (Heyo.)
2. Unputdownable
This...
November 2011
22 posts
Four Books I Bought From the $1 Cart at Book Thug...
4. The Pastures of Heaven by John Steinbeck I know I said I would never read Steinbeck again, but I found this “Armed Services Edition,” published in the 40’s for World War II soldiers. It’s a very thin, narrow packet that I suppose was convenient for stuffing in back pockets. I thought it would be an interesting thing to own, and it makes me wonder who previously read it....
Five Women Who I Hope to Emulate and Not Embarrass
5. Josephine Baker Sometimes I wonder who would win in a fight: Josephine Baker or Mata Hari. I always choose Baker because she had a pet cheetah. And she had affairs with Colette and Frida Kahlo! When you think about it, those three women would make a good crime-fighting team. 4. Judith Jones Judith Jones picked Anne Frank’s diary out of the submissions slush pile, edited all of John...
Five Places Where I Ordered One Overpriced...
5. Roebling Tea Room // 143 Roebling Street This was one of those place I passed a lot but never even considered going to since it looked so expensive. Then my co-worker suggested having lunch here and wanted to start with drinks. I immediately showed myself to be the non-alpha by ordering the “Fruit Cup.” I imagined it would taste like the nondescript juice in one those Del Monte...
Four Ways To Convince a Cab Driver To Take You to...
4. Just Get In
A mistake I used to make a lot was meekly approaching the window and uttering the Brooklyn neighborhood I wanted to go to. This gave drivers ample time to drive off before I could start begging. You have to purposefully get in, shut the door, and give them a commanding look that makes them drive, like Miranda Priestly. Most of the time, this works. But I’ve had it backfire...
Three Things I Promised Myself To Never Like But...
3. Texas
I’d never live there again, and I agree that there are a lot of public figures, practices, ideas, historical atrocities, and denim-on-denim combinations there that are simply unacceptable. The food, however, is worth pining over. Did you know it’s normal to order a baked potato there and automatically have it served with chopped brisket sprinkled on top? Plus a lot of my...
Five Audrey Hepburn Love Interests From Worst to...
5. Humphrey Bogart, Sabrina
Too old.
4. George Peppard, Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Too straight.
3. Fred Astaire, Funny Face
Too old, but in a good way.
2. Cary Grant, Charade
Too much chin.
1. Gregory Peck, Roman Holiday
Too perfect.
Three Things You Can't Talk About While Eating...
3. Death, Etc.
How can anyone take you seriously while you dump chicken bones into a bucket with grease-stained fingers? Whether its global dilemmas or personal matters of the heart, the experience of eating Korean fried chicken robs you of all gravitas. Things only get worse if you choose to have your drinks served from one of those giant neon-colored machines that look like torture devices...
Four Stops Off the G Train That I Have Lived Next...
4. Clinton Washington
This was the prettiest stop I ever lived off of, but my school would still send out emails about students getting mugged or attacked near the station at night. I have a lot of memories at this station, both blissful and horrifyingly awful. Whoever lived in the brownstones right outside of the Washington exit: I apologize that you had to witness so much of it. Whenever I find...